Most people don’t come to coaching wanting to improve their self-reflection skills, and most people probably wouldn’t put it that way even after it’s happened.
People work with a coach for a variety of reasons, like wanting to feel more confident before a job interview, or because they are stuck in a career that does not feel right, or because something at home or at work has become harder to manage. Coaching offers protected time to think, understand what is going on, and explore what might help.
What many people discover along the way is a greater ability to reflect on their own experiences, by intentionally paying attention to their thoughts, feelings, and behaviours and using that awareness to understand themselves better. This is a change I frequently see in the clients I work with for coaching, and is an outcome reported in research into the lasting impact of coaching.
What does this look like in practice?
Consider someone preparing for a job interview who feels overwhelmed at the prospect. By reflecting on this with a coach, they begin to observe what is actually happening for them: the thoughts that arrive when pressure builds, the emotions underneath the anxiety, the patterns in their responses. Gaining insight and understanding supports being able to do something different, to move closer to where they would like to be. This will look different for each client. One person might want to feel more grounded and capable going into an interview; someone else might want to manage their nerves more effectively; another client may wish to become better at expressing themselves more authentically. What they leave with is not a generic list of interview or confidence tips that can be found with a few words in a search engine, but insight into themselves that they can draw on in this situation and many others.
What is self-reflection?
Self-reflection is an intentional practice of observing your own thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. It is different from overthinking and from rumination, where thoughts tend to loop without being resolved. Self-reflection is purposeful. What you notice about yourself builds awareness and understanding, providing a clearer sense of who you are, what drives you, and what you need.
Self-understanding has practical value. It helps people:
- make decisions with greater confidence
- make changes that are sustainable because they are genuinely suited to them
- cope more effectively with pressure and difficulty
- understand what supports or undermines their confidence
- advocate for what they need, at work, at home, and in relationships
How does coaching build self-reflection skills?
Coaching conversations are reflective. They create space to slow down, explore different perspectives, and make sense of what is happening. Several things work together to build this over time:
- Coaching creates a space for productive, purposeful thinking about yourself, your experiences and your goals. With a skilled coach asking the right questions, people often reach a level of self-understanding that is harder to arrive at alone, not because they lack the capacity, but because our own thinking can become circular without someone to help us see things differently.
- Clients begin to ask themselves the kinds of questions their coach asks. They notice patterns, explore meaning, and consider new possibilities more readily.
- People take what they learn into their day-to-day lives, they try things out, notice what happens, and bring those observations back to coaching. Over time, this becomes a habit.
- Rather than relying on other people’s strategies, they develop an understanding of what genuinely works for them.
Coaching is not about teaching people what to think or what to do. The quality of attention, curiosity, and honest exploration in coaching conversations supports the kind of productive, purposeful thinking about ourselves and our experiences that builds self-understanding and self-reflection as a lasting skill.
A skill that stays with you
As a coach I don’t always hear about the impact the coaching has had longer term. I spend time with my clients, as our time of working together in a particular episode of coaching comes to a close, helping them identify what they are taking away, what difference it has made, and how they might carry that forward. I evaluate my practice via a feedback form sent in the week that follows our last session, but I don’t always hear about what happens later.
This is where the research becomes particularly useful. Research into longer-term coaching outcomes shows that increased self-reflection is part of a broader set of personal resources people develop through coaching. These resources help them maintain changes, sustain growth and navigate future challenges long after coaching ends. So whether someone comes for life coaching, confidence coaching, career coaching, personal development, or support with a specific life event or transition, self-reflection can be one of the most valuable things they leave with.
A question to help you reflect
Think of a recent situation where you felt under pressure or uncertain. What did you notice about: your thoughts, your feelings, how you responded? What do you notice now that you recall this? What might that tell you about what you need?
Get in touch
If you’re thinking about coaching for a specific goal, challenge or turning point, and curious about what the process might offer, I’d love to hear from you.
As a Coaching Psychologist in Norfolk, I offer Life Coaching, Coaching for Professionals and Coaching for Parents, in-person (Norfolk) and online anywhere in the UK.
Book a Free Discovery Call | Caroline Rigby Coaching
Research
For readers interested in the research into coaching outcomes that informed this post, here are the links:
McInerney et al. (2021) https://doi.org/10.53841/bpsicpr.2021.16.2.22
Rigby and Gordon http://dx.doi.org/10.53841/bpsicpr.2024.19.1.5